A Girl Thing

Just when you think that you have your life pretty well under control, watch out.

I was the mother of two little girls. They entertained one another well, toys were shared, and clothes were passed down. As I took my first unsure steps into homeschooling, I saw our hours snuggled on the couch reading as a portent of didactic tranquility to come. One arm for each child, one little hand in each of mine as we stepped out into the world...

You know what happens next. Pregnancy test. Reeling mind. Husband assuring me he is happy to welcome another child into our lives. I get a say in this, right? This will be another girl of course. I have all these girl toys and clothes. I'm in girl-mode.

I don't have anything against boys. I had brothers, my husband had brothers, and we have nephews. Little boys abound just waiting to be borrowed or babysat. I'm not missing anything.

Fast forward to ultrasound. Husband dances for joy. Now really. What kind of cosmic joke is this? I feel that I will forever be lopsided - never quite balanced. I've run out of hands for this job.

I bemoan my circumstances to a friend one day. As we talk, her little cherub of a boy makes himself at home beside me on the couch and rests his head on my buoyant belly. He hands me a copy of "Hop on Pop", and his gentle eyes convey a silent expectation that I will read to him. You know, he is kind of cute. He doesn't even smell bad. I begin, "UP PUP, Pup is up..."

The long night arrives in which my little guy makes his arrival into the world. More than one miracle occurs: he is healthy and whole, and my heart grows a new room. A room just for him. No need for my heart to stretch to fit him in.

At this very moment he is in the next room making his latest duct tape creation. He proudly wears a Cub Scout uniform; he shoots his BB gun at puddles, but wouldn't dream of harming a bird or toad. He blows me kisses. He smells like a dog when he needs a bath, and he still has stuffed animals from when he was a baby. I miss the days when he was content to curl his soft body against mine and look out at the world. But there are cars to play with, scooters to ride, and sisters to pester.